It's complicated.

Gotta keep perspective through this stormy and uncertain time. May the Lord reign and guide us through according to his will.

It has been tough emotionally lately and I have withdrawn from so much to try to shield myself from anything else that might knock me over. Basically I have been trying to do life on my own without seeking out God and His guidance. I get so stuck in my head and negative thoughts culminate and I have been bogged down when Jesus is right there telling me He can help and I just keep pushing Him away. It is a sad place to be. It is raw right now and I want to feel alive in Christ again. I want to be whole because Jesus fills me not trying to fill my void with social media(in attempt to feel connected to something besides the craziness of Grace family) or filling the void with busyness not stopping to get in His Word to be filled with Truth and wisdom. 

My mom gave me some clarity through this time with this verse:

A lot is happening with Grace family. We are trying to figure out what is best for the children as some of them seem to want to be with their parent or extended family. Their family or guardians put them in our care for us to help them in schooling and basic needs. A lot of them still have family so over this month long break from school in August we sent them home to help them sort their feelings. When we were living in America it sounds like they went home quite often and this was viewed as a boarding school of sorts. So we decided to see what the reaction was of the kids of going home for a month and each one was grinning real big and were so stoked. (Mercy and Moses the two youngest are staying at our home over the break.) So we question what are we really doing here? What does God want us to do? Do we support some children from home? Times could be changing and we want to go as the Lord leads but this is hard. We want each of these children grow to be who God created them to be and may the Lord show us where that would be best for each one. My heart strings are being stretched and I want to trust my Father above what my mind is telling me.

We feel some of the children view this place as a prison because we don't let them run all around the community like their friends and allow all of the various influences in their lives. So they see going home would be more freedom and they may not realize they will have all their basic needs or schooling met. We are trying to do what is best for them but it is hard with so much resistance or complaining. Really hard parenting stuff and big decisions that we pray we would rely on the Lord and His strength to get through. We would appreciate your prayers, support or any ideas you may have!

My friend, Cari Jantamaso, spurred me on with this verse:

An encouraging quote that gave me some perspective today: "When we trust God outside of our comfort zones, anything can happen, anywhere. And sometimes what happens is utterly delightful." -Luci Swindoll